~ten~

“Chris?” Lance asked. “What’s going on? Was that Justin? And have you seen Renee?”

Chris looked, flustered, back and forth from Lance to the door. He was uncharacteristically speechless. “Um,” he began, “I, uh, just got back from taking Melissa home. I don’t know where anybody is.”

A suspicious expression met his flimsy excuse. “Then who were you talking to? It sounded like Justin.”

“No, I thought I saw Justin go in here, so I came here looking for him. But it wasn’t him.”

Lance seemed to buy this for the moment. He sighed. “Okay. If you see Renee, let her know I’m looking for her.”

“Will do. Wait, actually, I’m trying to round everybody up. Joe and JC are wasted, JC and Mel had a fight, and it’s been a long night. I think it’s time to go -everyone’s running amok.”

“Oh, okay. I’m getting kind of tired myself. I’ll keep looking for Renee to tell her goodnight,” Lance retreated in the direction from which he had come. He turned a corner and stopped, waiting a few minutes until he heard Chris sigh loudly walk away. Footsteps moved away and faded, and Lance crept around the corner back to the door Chris had been leaning against. Without warning, he flung it open.

A figure lay in the bed, buried under all the sheets. An arm hung out the side. A feminine looking arm. Lance, embarrassed, believed Chris’s story about a stranger occupying the room and silently thanked God the woman hadn’t been awake when he busted through the door. He backed out and traveled down the hall.

Upon further inspection, Lance would have noticed the ring Renee never took off her thumb, and the manly figure lurking beneath the bed.

“Renee, you have no idea how close that was,” Justin picked dust bunnies from his hair.

“Yeah, I think I do,” she stared at him for a minute, and he leaned in for a kiss.

“Are you staying here for awhile longer?”

“Yep, I’m gonna go meet up with Bea and Keri and everyone. So, I guess I’ll see ya later. Goodnight Justin.”

“Goodnight Renee.”

And that was the last time Justin and Renee really saw each other in person. A year later when the guys came in concert to a Six Flags near Buffalo, they bumped into each other -literally- one time while in line for a ride, followed by Renee pretending not to notice Justin’s existence and turning away.

“Hey there, cutie!” the southern baritone sounded from behind Renee. Startled, she jumped right into the owner’s arms.

“H-hi, Lance,” she said breathlessly, still thinking about Justin.

“Where’ve you been all night?”

“I could ask you the same thing. I lost ya someplace, so I figured I’d make the rounds while looking for you.”

“Oh,” Lance said. “Well, we’re about to be leaving. The Kirkpatrick Edict.”

“So I heard.”

“Yeah. I had a really great time tonight, Renee. I’m so glad I talked you into coming, or else this plan would’ve died.”

A faint smile appeared across Renee’s lips. She wasn’t feeling much for Lance anymore. He was way more into this relationship than she was, and he didn’t even know it. “Yeah, that would’ve sucked. You want me to walk with you to the car?”

“I’d love it,” Lance held out his elbow, which Renee folded her hand over.

“So you gonna sleep in all day?” Lance asked.

“Of course. Maybe I’ll wake up in time for school Monday. At the earliest.”

That got a laugh. “We’re going home tomorrow night. I’ll probably sleep all day too. So I guess I’ll just let you call first, so I don’t disrupt any sleep you’re doing. I’ll give you the weekend to rest.”

“Good idea. I should regain enough energy to pick up the phone sometime in the next week,” Renee leaned against the guys’ limo as Carl, their driver, kept watch for the other guys.

Lance kissed Renee softly and smiled. “Is that so?”

“Uh huh.”

“I’ll be waiting then.”

And so he did. For days. Weeks. Months. One year and two months later he saw her at Six Flags Darien Lake, right after she exchanged a nasty look with Justin and turned to Melissa like she didn’t even know who they were.

“ ‘Lo?”

“Mel, it’s definitely over between me and Lance. I did a bad thing tonight.”

“I was thinking about doing a bad thing tonight,” Melissa squinted her contact-free eyes at the clock. Four AM. “But it occurred to me that a double homicide might not be a good topic for a ‘What I Did This Summer’ theme paper.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. I’ll tell you later. What did you do?”

“Justin.”

A pause while that sunk in. “You did Justin?”

“Yeah.”

“You?”

“Yep.”

“Renee Kowalski?”

“In the flesh. Against the flesh.”

“An image I don't need at this time of day. The same Renee Kowalski who all but called me names when I did the same thing?”

“Your situation is different.”

“How so?”

“It just is.”

“Enlighten me.”

“Well, you’re engaged.”

“Lance seems to think you are too.”

“Shut up.”

“You called me up at four in the morning to say you raped Justin and then to tell me to shut up? What kind of friend are you? I’m hanging up now, in hopes of continuing my fantasy where I tear Kat Neche limb from fucking limb.”

“Mel! Don’t hang up! I told him I loved him, and he said it back! Remember how when Lance said it to me, I couldn’t say it back? Justin said it back.”

“Was this before or after you fucked him?” Melissa delivered this line with no emotion -flat, dry, and accusingly.

Apparently Renee didn’t notice. “Well, it was after the first time and right before the second time.”

“Right. After he’d gotten a piece of ass for free and was about to score some more.”

“Why are you being so nasty?”

“Why are you being such a slut?”

“WHAT?!” it was practically a screech. “Look here, bitch, you’re the one who’s supposed to be marrying one guy, but you’re fucking around with another and you’re calling me a slut? Just who the hell do you think you are to call me---”

“Renee stop!” Melissa pressed her thumb and forefinger against her closed eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. That would be the pot calling the kettle black.” She groaned. “Look, it’s late. Early? Late. I’m tired. I’m really in no mood nor proper state of mind to even begin to hear about your sexcapades. My mom called to see how the night went, and I had to lie to her and say it was great. The reality of what JC and me are doing is fucking with my head. Then there’s Kat. Now you call, basically telling me you’re following my fucked-up lead. Shit like this that makes me wish I was a drinker. A fucking bottle of Jack would probably help right now. But no, I don’t drink. I have to deal with all this without being shit-faced.”

Renee listened to all of this in awe. “You’re really pissed off.” It was more of an amazed observation that anything.

“No fucking shit. I leave the man alone for one fucking hour, and he’s one step away from fucking Kat fucking Neche, of all people.”

“Ew. Well, I’ll let you sleep then. Sounds like you had an incredibly shitty night. Too bad you don’t drink. If you’d had that Jack earlier, you could wake up tomorrow and not remember a damn thing.”

“You’re the expert on that.”

“Hey! That was low. And I’ll have you know, I didn’t touch anything tonight.”

“Except for the dick of one pop star?”

“Fuck you!” Renee said jokingly. Sarcastic humor had been detected in Melissa’s last comment. She had calmed down some.

“No, no, no. Don’t you mean, fuck Justin? I am not a pop star, nor do I possess a penis.”

“If you did, I highly doubt JC would’ve fucked you the second time.”

“Oh, shut up. Wait. I didn’t tell you about the second time. How’d you know that we--”

“You just told me.”

Melissa sat in confused silence for a minute. “Oh you bitch.”

“HA! Okay, you go back to bed. I’ll call you later. Goodnight , slut.”

“G’nite. Two-cent whore.”

And that was the last time Renee and Melissa spoke. For the weekend anyway. Renee really did sleep in all day, and night, and the next day, waking up sometime in the wee hours on Monday morning.

JC groaned and grabbed his head. “Oh my God. What happened last night?”

“You’re a lightweight, that’s what,” Joey commented. “You came to the bar, sat down next to me, had two drinks, and hit the floor. You were puking all over the place. It was sad as hell. You even threw up on me.”

“Joe?” the voice was barely above a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Stop yelling.”

Joey hooted in laughter. “JC, that was the quietest voice I’ve ever used in my life. You, my friend, are very much hungover.”

“Oh God,” JC thought for awhile. He slowly recalled all the things that had happened the night before. He vaguely remembered the trip to the bathroom with Melissa. Going outside and fighting. Melissa going home early, Kat hitting on him.

“Oh fuck!” the memory of what Kat did to him less than twelve hours ago came flying at him like a bat out of hell. He could still feel her hands on him, her giving him shot after shot of tequila. She’d had her way with him twice by the time Melissa came in. The feeling of relief he’d felt when Melissa came to rescue him he could still feel now. She’d grabbed Kat by the hair, and JC recollected feeling the greatest surge of love he’d ever felt in his life. He’d had the experience of being with another woman, and it in no way compared to being with Melissa.

If only he’d been able to convey that feeling.

Instead, he knew he’d said some dumbass thing, he just couldn’t remember what. Melissa left again, crying, and he’d joined Joe at the bar. After that -nothing he could recall.

JC closed his eyes as cloudy memories floated through his brain.

“Hey.”

“Hello.”

“I, uh, saw you over there and I wanted to say hi.”

“Oh. And you did. And you are?”

“Josh.”

“Well, Josh, my name’s Melissa.”

His eyes flew open. Where in the world did that come from? That happened almost ten years ago. Why was he thinking of that now?

Niagara Falls, you asshole. The place you and Melissa first met. And now the same place you fooled around with the one enemy of the woman you claim to love.

With a groan signifying defeat, JC pinched the bridge of his nose. “Chris?” he called softly. Bracing his head against the pain, “Chris?” he called again, louder.

“What’s up?” Chris asked, bringing a bottle of aspirin in to his friend.

“Oh my God, you’re a mind reader,” JC graciously accepted the bottle. “Um, I was wondering if you could take me to Melissa’s today?”

“Um, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” Chris answered with a grimace.

“Please, Chris. I have to see her. I have to know she’s okay. I just need one more chance to tell her how I feel. Yesterday...It was so...When she came in that room, all I could think about was how much I loved her. Except, instead of telling her that, I said something stupid, I just wish I could remember what it was. But, Chris, please, I need to see her. Take me to her, please.”

“Well, I -”

“Please.”

“Okay. You’re lucky I remember how to get there. And that we’re so close already.”

About half an hour and four aspirins later, Chris and JC exited their hotel right by the airport under the supervision of their bodyguard, and got into the rented Blazer waiting for them. The fifteen minute ride was mostly silent, except for JC’s occasional bemoaning “I hope she’s home.”

“I hope she doesn’t kill you.” Chris answered once.

“Why would she do that?”

“Man, you made the girl’s day when you showed up last night, then you made her cry, then you at least parted civilly, only to have her in tears again later. If you ask me, you're pushing her away, whether you mean to or not.”

“Well, I didn’t ask you. And why would I push her away, if I was the one who first told her how I felt? What sense does that make, love guru?”

“Well, when you first told her how you felt, didn’t she push you away? And now you’re retaliating?”

“Chris, that is the biggest load of bullshit and you know it.”

“Just stating the facts.”

“Facts, my ass.”

The two men stepped out of the car in front of Melissa’s apartment building and JC asked, “You think she’s here? What if she went out?”

Chris looked around. “There’s her car, right where we left it last night. She’s here.”

They walked up to the second floor and stopped in front of Melissa’s door. After a deep breath, JC lifted his fist and knocked.

When Melissa opened the door, she first saw Chris, and said brightly, “If you’re here to check up on me, you can see that I’m still alive, and I haven’t killed anyone,” then she noticed JC and added, “Yet.”

“Look, Melissa, believe me when I say I wouldn’t normally do this, but we’re leaving tonight, and I just thought maybe you guys should work this out. Or at least let everything out, even if it means screaming at each other,” Chris said. “Remember what happened the last time you parted ways without talking or yelling things out?”

“Melly, he has a point. Please just hear me out,” JC begged.

“Oh, alright. Come in.”

Once inside Melissa’s apartment, Chris excused himself to the kitchen, where he occupied himself examining all the things Melissa had decorated with.

JC and Melissa sat down in the living room, where JC began, “Okay, I just want to say I am so sorry for anything I did or said yesterday. Kat --”

A growl interrupted him.

“She pretty much took advantage of me,” he continued. “She filled me up with tequila, and convinced me that you were a bad person and make me all...you know...and did...that. And then when you came in, I just...I felt so...I felt so much love for you, and I wanted to tell you, but I said...I dunno, I said something dumb, and then you started crying and, oh Melissa, please forgive me. I love you so much, you’ve gotta believe me.” JC reached out to grab hold of Melissa’s hand.

She pulled away. “You said it would be sweet if me and her performed for you. How can you sit there and tell me you love me when twelve hours ago you let the one person in the world I’d love to see dead suck your dick? Something that I won’t even do. Or is that it? I won’t give you head, so you look elsewhere?”

“God, do you have to make it sound so disgusting?”

“Is it disgusting!”

“Melissa, please,” JC covered his face with his hands. “I just...All I want is for you to know I’m sorry. I love you, and I always will. And the whole time I was molested, I loved you. I don’t know why we keep doing things to mess this up, but I’m ---”

“WE?!” Melissa leapt to her feet. “There is no we. You keep messing things up, I haven‘t done a thing. First you tell me you love me. Then I finally give in and you say you don’t. Then you fuck around with her. Now here you are saying ---”

“I never said I didn’t love you! And what do you mean you haven’t done anything? What about the first time we had sex? Didn’t you then tell me you didn’t love me, when I knew damn well that’s not what you were feeling? The virgin till death gave herself up to me, not her man. How interesting.”

“Okay, so what. I love -loved you. And I told you that. Right before you ended things with me.”

“That’s just it. Things. We didn’t have anything real. You have a boyfriend. A fiancé. Which leads to a husband. Which means I am nowhere in the picture. You can’t have it all, Melissa. If you’re gonna be with him, why are you keeping me around? If you want to be with me, then why are you still engaged? This just isn’t fair. It’s not right. Stop this!”

“What do you want me to do, Josh? Call Michael up and say it’s over? Tell him I’m in love with somebody else?”

JC’s eyes filled with tears. “So you are in love with me?”

Melissa looked away, now covering her face, hiding her own falling tears. “You know I can’t do anything else but love you. My God, Josh. I loved you when I wasn’t supposed to. Doesn’t that say anything?” She let out a shriek. “Why do you make me feel this way, damnit?”

In the blink of an eye, JC was up and had wrapped his arms around her. “How do I make you feel, Melissa? Tell me,” he said softly in her ear. “I don’t know unless you tell me.”

“Josh,” she began, sobbing against his shoulder.

He interrupted. “I love it when you call me Josh. Nobody else really calls me that anymore.”

“Josh. Josh, Josh, Josh.”

JC smiled. “Silly. Now tell me how I make you feel.”

“I feel...I feel so warm inside. I love you. I think I always have.”

“Always?” JC asked in a whisper, hooking a finger under Melissa’s chin, lifting her head up so the were face to face. His lips hovered just millimeters from hers.

“NO!” she suddenly shouted. “No! All you want is for me to get all sappy so you can go home feeling like you haven’t done anything wrong. Well I won’t let you!” She spun away. “Yes, Josh Chasez, I loved you. Now, I'm not so sure anymore. But, no, I am not apologizing for anything, nor am I accepting your apology for anything you did, because I am not seeing how you could have let anything like that happen. I’ll see you around, have a nice life. Goodbye!” She bustled JC toward the door, which she opened and pushed him through.

Chris had come running to save one of his friends if a fray broke out, but instead all he saw was Melissa’s fuming face and JC’s dejected one. “Melissa,” he started.

“Chris, I appreciate the effort, you’re a great friend to have around. But it didn’t work. So, I’ll see you around too, I guess. Have a safe trip home. Bye,” Melissa gave Chris a one-armed hug, as the other was still holding the door. “See ya.” She shut the door violently and then leaned her forehead against it. She knew the second that she had kicked JC out that it was a mistake. They were this close to knocking down that barrier between them, but she got scared again and built the wall back up. Tears freely streamed down her face. She had lost her true love again.

On the other side of the door, JC was doing the same thing. A cross section view would have shown that their foreheads were exactly lined up. He didn’t know what had gone wrong. He loved her with his whole being, why couldn’t he make her see that?

“Guess what, babe?" he yelled through the door coldly. “When you do get to love somebody, it’s gonna be me.”

“Come on, J,” Chris said quietly to his friend, pretending not to notice his quaking shoulders.

And so JC allowed himself to be led away from the door, away from the woman he waited his whole life for.

That was the last time Melissa and JC saw each other. When Renee turned to her at Darien Lake, announcing that the guys were there, she hadn’t even looked up. JC’s last words did still echo in her head, however: It’s gonna be me, it’s gonna be me, it’s gonna be me. Those were words she’d never forget.